


Things We Lost in the Fire

by lindsaylaurie, zecretsantamods



Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Left clone!Carlos, Tries to be Canon Compliant, gen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-14 06:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13001958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsaylaurie/pseuds/lindsaylaurie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zecretsantamods/pseuds/zecretsantamods
Summary: After the fire that claimed his parents’ lives, Carlos’ mysterious childhood is brought to light.





	Things We Lost in the Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiichu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiichu/gifts).



> Thanks as always to my sister for assuring me that my words make sense. And sorry to Bastille for stealing another song title.

It’s late.

Carlos should have been in bed an hour ago but a five page paper has kept him up against his will. University is already proving to be a challenge and he’s just barely started.

The house is quiet around him as he stands in the hall bathroom, eyes half lidded and toothbrush sweeping lazily across his teeth. His reflection stares blankly out at him from the mirror and he’s just awake enough to notice a new pimple on his chin. He’s running a finger over the angry red bump when the first shrill siren pierces the house.

The toothbrush falls from his lips as he starts. It leaves a line of white foam down the front of his shirt as it clatters into the sink.

He groans in annoyance as he retrieves his toothbrush. All he wants to do is go to sleep and now he has to investigate the faulty fire alarm. He’s been telling Maria to change the battery for weeks now.

The smoke hits his nose as he’s rinsing his mouth.

The smell stops him so abruptly he nearly chokes. He whips his head up and is met with his own panicked expression in the mirror.

It’s not a false alarm.

The beeping tears through his ears as he yanks the door open. The hallway is already thick with black smoke. The onset of it is so sudden and so forceful that he stumbles back a few steps. The smoke floods into his mouth and eyes. He coughs and coughs as his mouth tries to form words.

And then the screaming starts.

It’s coming from all around him. He can’t pick out the sounds. He’s dizzy. He can’t see. Suddenly his house, the house he grew up in, is alien to him. He sputters and waves a hand in front of his face, trying to clear the black clouds and the heat, but it’s too much.

And then, loud and clear, as if she were standing right next to him, Maria’s voice fills his head.

“ _Carlos!”_

He takes a step forward, into the black. “Maria!” he manages to choke out.

“ _I’m in my room! The closet!”_

Even though the air is dark and thick and he’s forgotten which way is up, Carlos is drawn like a magnet to Maria’s room. He’s on autopilot when he throws open the door. The smoke pours out thick and fast and the heat licks at his clothes.

Here are the flames.

The bed has been consumed by the fire. The posters on the wall are peeling and cracking. The dresser is a tower of red and black. He can’t imagine how it’s gotten this bad this fast.

“ _Maria!”_

His heart is painful in his ears as he hugs the wall to get past the flames and to the closet. He reaches for the knob without thinking and the metal burns his palm. But the door opens as he yanks his hand away with a shout.

There’s Maria, curled up into herself on the floor, her shirt pulled over her mouth. She looks so small there, alone and vulnerable.

She locks eyes with him and he doesn’t hesitate to scoop her up. She weighs nothing in his arms. The rest of the world blinks out as Carlos turns back to the fire creeping in around them.

The flames lap at him as he rushes from the room and back into the smoke filled hall. Maria clings to him, her arms tight around his neck and her heart beating too fast against his chest. The heat of the house is dizzying and the blackened air is suffocating him but a strange calm presses into him.

It’s this calm that forces him to run.

The hall passes by in a blur. The whole house is burning now. The roof is crumbling above him and the linoleum is melting under his feet. But he presses on until suddenly he’s outside in the cool night air and the shock nearly knocks him over. He sinks to his knees and releases Maria, who coughs and sputters and sobs.

“Mom and Dad!”

Carlos is on his feet the moment he registers those words. They’re still in the house.

He bolts for the door. Maria is screaming behind him. Sirens rip through the neighborhood.

The house folds in on itself before he can reach it.

He stares as the flames consume it. The debris falls all around him but he can’t move. He’s rooted to the spot. This can’t be happening. There’s no way the fire could have moved that fast.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees movement. He turns quick, thinking it’s his parents. Thinking they made it out alive. But standing there, illuminated by the fire, is a man in a long black robe. His hood is up, but he puts it down slowly.

The man has Carlos’ face.

His hair is longer, but he has the same eyes, the same curve of his lips. The same face he just found a new pimple on.

Something flickers into his memory, something vague and sharp that makes him recoil.

A stay board breaks off the house and smacks him across the forehead. The man’s face, his face, is burned into his mind as he passes out.

  
  


_He’s ten years old._

_The air around him is stale and oppressive. The heat has crept into the warehouse and the old air conditioning system is wheezing out its last breaths. The eyes of the adults don’t help._

_He’s standing in the middle of the bare floor, dressed in a plain black robe. Clutched in his fist is a short but wickedly sharp blade. His pulse thrums around it._

_He’s not ready._

_The adults are arranged in a wide circle around him. There are seven, but the spaces between them make it seem like more. Each is wearing the full Free the Soul robes with various tassels and emblems to show their ranks. Those are what he should aspire too. Those are why he is standing here now, in the flickering light of dozens of candles._

“ _Alright, Left,” one of the adults says. “Are you ready?”_

_There’s a strange sort of satisfaction in being called Left here and now. It’s his name, of course, but it is all of their names. All of his peers are also called Left. The adults are called Left. If their hoods were down, he could have seen that they all had the same face. The face he will one day grow into. But usually he is called “you” or “that one” or, sometimes, “C.”_

_His batch had been five babies, each labeled after a letter of the alphabet. He was C. They are not supposed to be individuals, but it can get confusing._

_He nods. His hands are trembling._

_One of the adults is holding something. He steps forward and pulls back the blanket covering it._

_C inhales sharply._

_There, under the blanket, is a human baby._

_The adult steps forward and places the child at C’s feet before he rejoins the circle. C stares at the small face. His face, from long ago._

_The baby is wriggling but not fussy. It stares at C and he has to look away quick. The knife burns into his palm._

“ _This one is defective,” one of the adults says. He doesn’t look up to see which one. It doesn’t matter. They are all the same. They must be all the same for society to function._

“ _A bad heart,” another one says. “It happens. But you know how this works, don’t you, Left?”_

“ _Only the strong survive,” the adults say as a group. The sentiment echoes off the empty walls of the warehouse._

“ _Only the strong survive,” he echoes. The baby is still staring. He raises a chubby fist towards C._

_C grips the knife tight, so he won’t drop it._

“ _Do it quick, Left.”_

“ _Don’t hesitate. Don’t feel sorry for it. It is a mistake.”_

“ _Only the strong survive.”_

_He can’t breathe. He’s shaking. His heart is stuttering so fast and so loud he thinks the whole warehouse can hear it. The wheezing air conditioner fills his ears. The candlelight magnifies the shadows._

_Only the strong survive._

_The baby coos._

_C kneels. Around him the adults are shifting in close for a better look. He pulls the knife back. He swears he can feel everyone’s breath. The heat is closing in on him like fire. The sweat is beading on his brows._

_He swings the knife down and misses wildly. He lets it clatter next to the baby and shoves his face into his hands. Hot tears trickle down his face and he_ can’t breathe _. He’s trembling and crying and his chest is burning._

“ _Disgraceful,” one of the adults says._

“ _A pity.”_

“ _He was never the best student.”_

“ _Having to cull one at this age…. Should we let him try again?”_

_He doesn’t want to hear it but he can’t block it out. He sits back, away from the baby, and curls into himself, knees pressed to his chest._

“ _Only the strong survive.”_

“ _Only the strong survive,” the rest agree in unison._

  
  


Carlos wakes with a start. He is drenched in a cold sweat and his lungs are on fire. He coughs several times and clutches at his chest. He struggles to sit up but he’s dizzy and weak and there are tubes in his nose and he gives up. He lies there, staring at the white blank ceiling as the frantic beeping in the room calms. Even though his brain is fuzzy, he’s aware enough to know he’s in the hospital.

The memory swirls in his brain, clear as if it were yesterday. But he knows he was younger. He doesn’t know how, but he knows he was ten years old.

And there are others like that man. Others wearing his face.

But he can’t think about it right now. The only thing he can think about now is Maria.

He manages to sit up enough to find the call button on the side of his bed and presses it several times until a nurse comes in. She’s tall and impatient with her hair drawn up into a bun.

“Maria,” he sputters, his voice rough and painful. “My sister. Where?”

The nurse adjusts her glasses and clears her throat. “She is alright. I’ll allow you to see her after I run some tests.”

“And my parents?”

She looks uncomfortable and the dread in Carlos’ chest overwhelms him. He knew. He knew they hadn’t survived, but he had to be sure. Her face is all he needs.

Of course, she tells him how they didn’t make it. She tries to be sympathetic, but she’s not good at that. He lets her run the tests while he puts on a brave face. His mind is a buzzing mess, his body is exhausted and all he wants to do is see Maria. He can’t let himself grieve right now, no matter how tight his throat is and no matter how much he wants to fall back into the hospital bed and sob. He needs to be strong when he sees Maria.

_Only the strong survive._

The memory haunts him.

Finally, Carlos is deemed fit enough to leave his room. He can’t walk; his body is too weak. Everything hurts, he hasn’t had a chance to catalog his injuries, but he knows they are numerous. The nurse helps him into a wheelchair and pushes him down the hall to another room, smaller than his with only one bed. The curtain is drawn around it.

The nurse wheels him close and then leaves him to it. He draws back the curtain and there’s Maria, asleep. He watches her chest rise and fall and breathes a sigh of relief. She’s alive, she’s okay.

He hates to wake her, so he takes her hand and waits. Without any distractions, the thoughts start creeping up on him almost immediately. He spends a good few minutes staring at the heart monitor, looking at the steady beat of Maria’s heart, but it isn’t long before his mind wanders and the memory slams into him.

  
  


“ _Wake up.”_

_It’s a woman’s voice. He isn’t used to hearing women. Since he was born, he has been surrounded by the men with his face. The women are there, at the edges, but he rarely speaks to them. All except…_

_Rebecca. It’s her voice. C opens his eyes and there she is, hovering over him. He startles and shrinks back into the rough sheets. He’s been on edge since the ceremony._

“ _It’s alright,” she whispers. “We need to leave. Get up.”_

_He stares at her for a second too long and she grabs him by the shoulders. “Now, boy!”_

_His face heats up and he nods. He slips out of bed and notices the other boys in the room aren’t stirring. He looks at Rebecca with a question in his eyes and she puts a finger to her lips._

“ _Hurry, it won’t last long. Get your shoes.”_

_He doesn’t question her. He rushes to the closet and grabs a pair of shoes at random. They all share the same shoe size. Personal possessions mean nothing to them. He shoves them onto his feet and grabs his coat. For a moment he wonders if he should change, but Rebecca is already shoving him out the door._

“ _What–?”_

“ _No questions!” she snaps. “Don’t speak.”_

_He shuts his mouth as she grabs him by the wrist. Out the hallway, the lights are dimmed, casting whispery shadows on the plain grey walls. Everything about the structure is industrial._

_Rebecca pulls him down the hall and he’s shivering. He can’t stop thinking about the baby. The baby who is probably dead. The baby who he used to be._

_There’s a bend in the hall up ahead that leads to the outside. They’re almost there when Left steps out from around the corner._

_Rebecca curses under her breath._

“ _Rebecca,” the adult says. He looks surprised._

_C shivers. Left doesn’t know about their outing. Rebecca is breaking the rules._

“ _Left,” Rebecca says, bowing her head. “Sorry, was I making too much noise?” Her grip on C’s wrist has gone tighter, a warning to keep quiet._

“ _No.” Left still looks confused. “Where are you taking that boy?”_

 _Rebecca sighs. “It’s the_ failure _,” she drops her voice on the last word, but C hears. “Delta wanted me to collect him. It’s so rare for them to fail at this age. He wanted to speak with him personally before we disposed of him.”_

_C swallows. He thinks Rebecca is lying. She must be lying, because if that were the case, she wouldn’t have been sneaking. She would not have knocked out the other boys. But still, the lie scares him. It’s still possible. There is a good chance he will die this day._

_The thought turns his stomach._

“ _Did he?” Left looks doubtful. He looks at his wrist, as if his watch has the answers. It’s in that moment that Rebecca moves._

_She lets go of C’s wrist and in the same instant, is on top of Left. She swiftly punches him in the chest with one hand and presses something to his mouth with the other. He struggles in surprise for a fraction of a second before he crumples against the wall. C stares in horror, mouth slightly open._

“ _Is he–”_

_Rebecca snatches his hand and she’s dragging him away before he can say anything else._

_He hurries to keep up with her fast strides. The door is in reach now. His heart is painful against his ribs and the blood is rushing in his ears. He’s still shivering._

_Rebecca pushes the door open and the darkness swallows them. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he doesn’t have the time. Rebecca is already pulling him forward._

_Outside is jarring. C has never been outside at night. He knows the moon exists but he has never seen the yellow orb hanging in the sky. It’s full and beautiful and bright and he could stare at it all night if Rebecca wasn’t pulling him. And the stars… the stars are shining in full force. He has never seen anything so beautiful._

_The docks are fresh with the smell of the sea and rotten fish. The wood squeaks under their shoes. Everything is amplified in the dark._

_Rebecca stops suddenly and C slams into her. She curses and elbows him away. “Get down!”_

_C throws himself to the floor as the cry rings out. “Stop right there!”_

_Several things happen at once. A shot rings out. Rebecca screams, and C is kicked off the docks and into the ocean._

_The water is a cold shock. He goes all the way under and its a moment before he surfaces, coughing and sputtering. Luckily, he knows how to swim. Of course he knows how to swim. He has been trained to be a solider._

_And he swims for his life. It’s cold and the salt is burning in his eyes and he can’t stop shaking but he swims and swims until his limbs give out and he can’t swim any longer…._

  
  


“Carlos?”

He snaps out of his memory. He’s drenched with sweat. He feels as if he’s just run for miles. He takes a shuddering breath and looks down at Maria, who’s squinting up at him with concern. He exhales and realizes he’s holding her hand too tight. He relaxes his grip and covers her hand with his other hand.

“Hey, kiddo,” he says, his voice rough. He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

Maria blinks vaguely. “Okay I guess,” she says. She seems a little out of it. Carlos doesn’t blame her. The nurse told him that she inhaled a lot of smoke. Luckily, she didn’t sustain many injuries aside from cuts and bruises. “You were spacing out.”

“Oh.” Carlos pushes back his hair and forces a smile. “No, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” Though he tries to appear casual, his mind is racing. He has never remembered a thing from before he was ten years old. His earliest memories are of being found on a beach, then shortly after being adopted. He was lucky.

She coughs but when Carlos leans towards her, she waves him off. When she finishes, she looks at him with surprising intensity.

“Mom and Dad?”

His heart breaks all over again. He opens his mouth but he can’t bring himself to say it. He must be making a face because Maria nods. Her lower lip is trembling and her eyes are shining.

“I… I knew it.”

He doesn’t cry. He feels like he can’t cry now. He comforts Maria until she gets too tired to keep her eyes open. Before he leaves, he promises to come back and see her as soon as he can.

  
  


It’s a few days before Carlos is cleared to leave the hospital and a week before Maria can go home. Well, not exactly home.

They lost everything in the fire. The moment Carlos is released, he starts looking for somewhere to live. He needs to make sure Maria has somewhere to go home to.

He collects the insurance money. What his parents have left them is enough rent for maybe a year if he’s really careful. It’s hard to find an apartment complex that will rent to an 18 year old with no one to co-sign for him, but he manages to find a rundown building that takes him, no questions asked.

Even though Maria protests, Carlos drops out of University. He tells her over and over not to worry about it. He insists he wasn’t good at it anyway, for her sake. But in reality it’s too expensive to even consider, even with the job at the coffee shop he’s picked up. But he knows he needs something that makes more money, so he spends all his free time filling out job applications.

Anything to make sure Maria has a normal life. Anything to distract him from the memories.

They’ve been trickling in little by little. He’ll be making a latte for a sleepy eyed salaryman when suddenly he’ll be surrounded by a sea of his own face. Most snatches are vauge. Learning to swim, running with his peers, eating in the mess hall. There’s nothing as concrete as his first memories.

And then there’s the fire.

Flames fill his dreams. He smells the smoke during his idle moments. It gets to the point where the open flame on his stove makes him nervous.

It takes Carlos a year to get his certificate in Fire Science.

It annoys him that the fire scares him so much. He hates that he’s constantly paranoid, so he takes control of it. He learns to fight it.

There is no formal graduation. He’s taken all the classes online and now he’s just _done_ and it feels like a weight has been lifted. Maria, of course, insists on celebrating.

The two of them are at the diner a few blocks from their apartment. It’s a tiny, stereotypical American diner complete with neon lights and checkered floors. They’re tucked into a corner booth with burgers and fries.

“What’s that dog that lives at the firehouse?” Maria asks as she dips a french fry into her milkshake. “With the spots.”

Carlos smiles, but he’s a little wary. Lately he’s been noticing she’s been spacey. He hopes it’s because she’s working so hard in school.“A dalmatian.”

“Oh, yeah, duh,” Maria says brightly. “And do all a hundred and one live there?”

“Um.” He scans her expression for the joke, but she’s totally serious. “No?” He sets down his hamburger and watches her a little more closely.

If Maria notices the scrutiny, she doesn’t mention it. “That’s too bad. I wonder if they ever found homes for all those dogs?”

A bad feeling creeps into Carlos’ stomach. Suddenly he doesn’t feel so hungry anymore. “Maria, what are you talking about?”

She frowns at him. “All the dogs! There were so many. All of the little white ones with the black spots. The lady wanted to hurt them.”

“Maria,” Carlos tries to keep the panic from his voice but her name comes out too sharp. “Are you feeling okay?”

He reaches across the table for her but she pulls into herself. “I’m fine! I just want to know about the dogs!”

She’s too loud. He can feel the diners around them staring now, but he doesn’t care. He opens his mouth to tell her to calm down, but his voice drops off abruptly as she freezes in place.

Maria is unnaturally still for a moment. Her eyes roll back into her head and then her body collapses onto the seat of the booth with a soft thud.

Later, he thinks that incident might have been as terrifying as the fire.

  
  


Maria stays in the hospital for a few hours before the doctors release her. Dehydration, they suggest, but they’re not certain. Carlos orders her to drink more water and monitors her intake until she gets annoyed with him.

She’s fine for months and months until it happens again. This time Maria stays overnight. The doctors run more tests. They say maybe its a side effect from the carbon monoxide poisoning from two years ago.

In the meantime, Carlos gets a job at the fire station. He’s in training and it’s hard but he feels good about it. At least something in his life is going right.

Maria has good days and bad days. Sometimes she is her normal self and other days gets lost on the way home from school. Sometimes Carlos will walk into a room and catch her staring at a wall, totally unresponsive.

Years pass like this. Maria goes to specialist after specialist but no one has concrete answers.

Eventually, the bad days start outnumbering the good days and Maria hits her head fainting at school. This time, the hospital suggests she stays for a few days, which turns to a few weeks, and then, indefinitely. But she does well in the hospital. Carlos almost feels better with her being in the hospital, as much as she hates it. Maybe this will make her better, finally.

But it doesn’t. Maria slips further and further away until one day she’s comatose.

  
  


It’s 3am when Carlos comes home from his shift.

He can’t remember the last time he came home. He’s been picking up all the extra shifts he can, desperately trying to get extra money, desperately trying to be able to afford Maria’s treatment. The only reason he left work at all was because his boss had realized just how long he’d been on the clock for and ordered him to go home.

The keys scrape against the lock as he struggles to shove the right one in. All the coffee he’s been drinking has worn off, leaving him listless and half asleep standing up. Finally, the lock clicks and he pushes the door open. As he moves to shut it behind him, a boot wedges between the door and the frame.

Carlos stumbles back and swears in surprise as the door slips open to reveal a hooded man in a black robe. The sight knocks the breath from his lungs. It’s been years since he had the first memory, years since he’s seen any sign of the hooded figures and seeing one here, while he’s so sleep deprived, throws him.

It’s been long enough for him to dismiss it all as an illusion, a side effect from inhaling so much smoke. But here and now, as this man lowers his hood, Carlos knows its all true.

The man is older than he is. His face is lined and his hair is graying, but it’s unmistakably his own face staring out at him.

“What are you doing here?” Carlos straightens himself up, adopts a defensive posture. This version of himself looks leaner, less muscled. Carlos has the advantage.

“You’re needed now.”

His voice chills Carlos from the inside out. It sounds like his answering machine recording, the sound of his voice from another source.

“Wha–”

The man closes the door behind him and the click startles Carlos.

“You need money for your ‘sister’, do you not?”

The way he says the word 'sister’ is a curse that makes Carlos narrow his eyes. How does this man know so much about him? Have they been watching all this time?

They’ve been real all this time.

“Yes,” Carlos says, cautiously. “Have you–”

“Of course.” The man waves him off impatiently. “Did you really think we had just forgotten about you the way you’ve forgotten about us?”

A shiver goes through Carlos. He swallows. “How–”

The man (Left, Carlos know his name to be Left) clears his throat loudly. “Please, your questions are pointless. We can get you the money you need. All you have to do is follow our instructions exactly.”

“My parents,” Carlos says, his voice low. He will not be interrupted this time. “It was you who set the fire. You’re the whole reason Maria is sick.”

“Not me personally.” Left doesn’t even look ruffled. “But that was us, yes. All of this has been for a reason, Left. And now the reason is unfolding.”

“Don’t call me that!” Carlos is breathing too hard now. The anxiety is racing through his body, making him feel trapped in his own skin. “Why should I trust you?! You killed them! You… You wanted me to to kill for you! A baby!”

Left is looking at him with a mixture of pity and disgust. He doesn’t flinch as Carlos draws nearer, a wall of hostility. “Yes,” he drawls. “Again. It was not me personally. I am merely the messenger.”

It only makes Carlos angrier that this man isn’t reacting. That he has no remorse, not an ounce of care for the pain he has caused Carlos. He wants to punch Left, but it wouldn’t bring him any pleasure.

Finally, he exhales. He thinks of Maria lying in the hospital bed, he thinks about how exhausted he is, how he hasn’t slept properly in God knows how long, how he can’t keep going like this.

But mostly he thinks about Maria.

“Alright. I’m listening.”

  
  


Before he goes to Nevada, Carlos visits Maria in the hospital.

She’s been in a coma for almost a year and he can’t remember the last conversation he had with her. He wishes he could say he did, but it was probably something innocuous and she was probably only half conscious at the time. It hurts him to think of those days when she was so far away from him. And now, lying here, she’s further than she’s ever been.

Leaving her now feels final. He doesn’t know what to expect in what he’s signed up for and, frankly, he’s expecting to not make it back. Anything that Free the Soul wants him to do must be a trap, but as long as Maria gets the money she needs, Carlos is willing to walk right into it.

The room is as blank and white as ever as Carlos takes his seat. He’s given up on trying to brighten the room. It only depresses him.

He takes Maria’s hand and watches her gaunt face, the rise and fall of her chest. And then he starts talking.

He tells her everything, about his past, about how Free the Soul is sending him to Nevada to participate in some experiment. It feels good to tell her when she’s like this, when she’s not awake to worry about it. When it’s all over and he has to leave, he kisses her forehead and promises her she’ll wake up soon.

When he leaves, he doesn’t want to look back, doesn’t want to carry that image of her, alone with him to Nevada, but he does look and it breaks his heart.

  
  


DCOM is worse than Carlos could have ever imagined. The whole ordeal simultaneously takes months and mere hours. Death and despair plays out over and over until, somehow, it ends with him standing in the desert, pointing a gun at a man he thinks he half remembers.

“It was always meant to be your choice, Left.”

The name courses through him like an electric shock. Suddenly Carlos remembers where he knows this man from. A memory surges to the front of his mind, so powerful that he can’t push it back. It’s been years since this has happened to him.

“ _You’ll do great things one day, Left.” They’re in an office. Delta is sitting at the desk, swathed in shadow._

Carlos shakes it off, focuses on the cold metal in his hands. All around him, he can feel the group’s eyes. The eight people he’s been through hell with.

“I trust you, my brother. I trust you to use your best judgment.” Delta spreads his arms wide. His expression is unreadable.

“ _One day, you will decide my fate.”_

The heat is oppressive. Carlos remembers the warehouse. He’s three places at once. The desert, the warehouse, Delta’s office.

“Only the strong survive.”

His hands are shaking around the gun. He tries to think about the pros and cons but he’s sweating and shivering so badly. All eyes are on him. He’s in the warehouse. It isn’t Delta in front of him, it’s a child. It’s a baby, small and defenseless. A living thing.

This is different. This is someone who hurt them over and over. Someone who hurt Carlos as child. Someone who killed children without remorse.

Still, Carlos lowers the gun.

Behind him, the sharp inhales from the others. There’s a small hand on his back and he doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s Akane.

“You’re right, only the strong survive,” Carlos says, turning his back on Delta. He looks out the others standing before him. Akane, Junpei, Sigma, Diana, Phi, Eric, Mira, Sean…

“And that’s us.”

Life after that is completely different. Junpei and Akane help Maria out of her coma and suddenly Carlos has his sister back.

“I remember what you told me,” Maria says one day after she’s finally left the hospital. She’s curled up on his couch, a cup of hot chocolate in her hands. She had been watching TV but now her eyes shift to him. “In the hospital.”

Carlos frowns as he looks up from his phone. “What?”

Maria sets down her mug and looks to Carlos with the ghost of a smile. “About your past. I didn’t understand it at first, but now, being with you, I… I started picking it up. Through, you know.” She motions to her forehead and waggles her finger between them. “I think I get it.”

Carlos swallows. “I didn’t want to tell you. I thought it would be too much.”

She frowns and punches him in the shoulder lightly. “Hey, what did I say about doing that? I know you love acting like everything’s fine, but I can tell when it’s not.”

Despite himself, Carlos smiles. “Watch it.” He rubs the spot where she hit him. “I didn’t… I just wanted to forget about it.”

“But you can’t.” Maria taps her forehead. “You forget I’m really good at doing this now.”

It’s true, ever since Maria has learned to control her powers, she’s been unusually perceptive to his moods. He supposes he should feel violated in some way, but he knows she’s not doing it to be malicious.

“You don’t let me forget,” he teases. He looks away from her for a moment and sighs. “But you’re right. I can’t forget. I’m… Well, I’m one of _them._ They raised me and put all of that stuff in my head. I’m just… I’m afraid I’m gonna just snap one day or something, you know?”

Maria puts a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not one of them. If you were one of them you wouldn’t have gotten away.”

“That wasn’t even my choice.” Now that they’re talking, Carlos can’t stop. “They were gonna kill me, and that woman saved me.”

She goes quiet for a moment, as if she’s thinking. “But you had to kill someone and you couldn’t.” She screws up her face and Carlos can feel her energy buzzing around him. “Oh God, it was a baby.”

“Don’t do that,” Carlos says, suddenly feeling sharp and edgy. He doesn’t want her to see that. She doesn’t need to.

“Sorry…” Maria tucks some dark hair behind her ear and looks sheepish. “But that was your decision not to kill.”

Carlos appreciates the thought but he shakes his head. “No, that was my weakness. I was scared, I wasn’t concerned about doing the right thing…”

“What about in the desert?”

This, he’s told her about. He couldn’t not tell her about that. But he hasn’t told her his feelings about it. His recounting of the game had been pretty brief and spared her most of the horrors.

His hands curl into fists. He can feel the metal burning in his palms. “I don’t… I don’t know if that was me either. Delta was the Leader of Free the Soul. What if it’s in my DNA that I can’t kill him? What if he’s out there, making more clones and killing the weak ones…?”

“Carlos…” Maria squeezes his shoulder. “This is why you gotta tell me things.”

Carlos snorts and takes her hand.

“Listen. The reason you didn’t kill Delta or that baby is because you’re a good person. Not because you’re weak or your DNA is messed up, or whatever else you think is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you.”

Something catches in his chest and he has to swallow it back. Maria is watching him intently but he doesn’t feel her energy probing at him.

“You’re my brother and not anyone else’s okay?”

“Yeah…, okay.”

Maria hugs him and he holds her for a few moments too long as he composes himself. When they pull apart, Maria’s still looking at him with concern.

“You’re not satisfied, but I’m saying that because of your face and not because I’m invading your privacy.”

“Sure,” Carlos says lightly.

“I swear!” Maria rubs the back her neck as she stares off into space for a moment. “What if we stop them?”

“What?”

“Free the Soul. I know they’re not a world ending threat or anything, but they’re still not good, right? You’ve got important friends now, friends that can help.”

“I guess.” Carlos considers this and feels a little stupid for not thinking of it earlier. He’s been so wrapped up in Maria’s recovery and getting updates from Akane about her investigation of the terrorist that he hasn’t even thought about doing something about Free the Soul.

“And you’ve got me. You know I’ll help.”

His first instinct is to tell her no, to keep her as far away as he can from even the slightest bit of danger, but when she looks at him, her eyes are fire and her mouth is set.

“I know you will.”

“Are you sure there’s no one in there?” Carlos says into his phone.

“Positive.” Junpei’s annoyed on the other end. “You have five minutes.”

The line goes dead and Carlos lets his hand drop away from his face. The night air bites at his skin and the salt of the ocean burns his eyes.

He’s back here at the docks, where it all started.

A hand fits into his. “Are you ready?”

At first he had objected to Maria coming with him. Sure, she helped him do the research but this is different. He didn’t want her anywhere near any potential danger. But, somehow, she had talked him into it. She had convinced him it was low risk and that she could handle it.

They’re standing outside the warehouse, the one from the memories he has to live with now. The one where he spent his first ten years learning to be just the same as everyone else. Now he’s here with his sister and a pocket full of matches.

Junpei and Akane have assured him Free the Soul have left this warehouse. After the game, after they let Delta live, the whole cult just vanished. They left everything behind. Beds unmade, food left in the refrigerator, labs still full of Left’s DNA.

It feels too good to be true, it feels like a trap, but Carlos has a good feeling about it. Somehow, he thinks this is Delta’s thanks for letting him live. Of course, he doesn’t let himself think this is the end. He still needs to keep tabs on Free the Soul, but this feels good, it feels like a start.

Maria squeezes his hand before letting go. He nods at her as he dips a hand into his pocket. Everything’s set. There’s a line of gasoline leading right up to the point where they’re standing. The wood of the docks will go first, so they can’t hesitate once it’s alight.

“It’s okay,” Maria says quietly. “I’m right here.”

It’s still odd that she’s comforting him, when he’s so used to it being the other way around, but he appreciates it all the same. His hands are trembling as he removes a match from the box and holds it between his fingers.

He strikes the match against the box and the flame springs to life. He stares into it for a moment, remembering the fire that took his parents, the candles during his ceremony, even the heat of the Nevada desert. All of it, burning in his hands, under his control.

Finally, he looks to Maria. “Ready to run?”

Maria smiles at him. “Yeah.”

Carlos drops the match and takes Maria’s hand in the same instant. He doesn’t stop to watch the gas ignite. The warmth blossoms behind them as they pelt into the night. Maria’s laughing and whooping and Carlos feels so light that he joins her. They don’t stop running until they get to the waiting car. Akane’s behind the driver’s seat and Junpei’s waving them in from the passenger side window.

Carlos slides into the back seat, pulling Maria behind him. She barely has a chance to close the door before the car peels off.

No one says anything as they speed away from the blaze. Carlos doesn’t look back, he doesn’t have to. He knows behind him he will find a swirl of red and orange heat, the literal ashes of his old life. A life that was never his.

Maria leans against him and he ruffles her hair. This is his life, here with his sister and his friends. He was never left. He was always Carlos. 


End file.
